Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Monday Night Football = a disappointment


As a Steelers fan, I adamantly hate both the Buffalo Bills and the New England Patriots. However, my instinct for self preservation causes me to hate the Shitriots [sic] more, as they are the better team. For this reason, on this particular night I found myself rooting for the lowly Bills to trump one of my most-hated teams in the NFL lead by none other than the perpetually hoodie-clad Bill Bellicheat [sic] and the Anti-Christ of football / pregnant-girlfriend-abandoning Tom Brady.

I was actually tossing around a football in the backyard with my father until there were about 2 minutes left in the first quarter. We came in and as we turned on the tv, he predicted a 13-3 Patriots lead and I predicted a 7-0 Bills lead [a score admittedly, against all odds, but one I adhered to resolutely as a perpetual sports optimist]. Lo and behold, the Bills were up 7-0. This caught our interest because the Bills leading anyone who isn't the Detroit Lions is newsworthy. We glued ourselves to the couch. Game on.

The rest of the game we were shocked to find the Bills not only held their own, but were actually in the lead as the result of a Patriots' missed field goal, Brady sack, and Bills interception, among other things. The game stats at halftime showed the Bills being outrun, out thrown, out third-down-conversioned, nearly 2-1. If I were a fan at the game, however, I would have completely ignored all this and resorted to the chant referring to the only stat in the Bills favor, and the only one that ultimately matters, "Scoreboard."

A firm believer in sports karma [see the Patriots cheating scandal in which they were caught red handed using electronic methods to steal signals and monitor other teams, thus making all their previous accomplishments null and void in my eyes], I really believed the Bills could pull this off. It seemed like that thought could become reality as Brady threw a touchdown with approximately 3 minutes left in the game, and the Patriots failed to make the seemingly-necessary two point conversion, leaving them trailing The Bills by 5 points, 19-24...

All Buffalo had to do at this point was not screw up...

All Leodis McKelvin had to do was return the punt and hold onto it...

This is why Buffalo and Leodis McKelvin can't have nice things...

I shalln't rehash the remaining time in the game. Suffice to say the next few moments in my household were loud, expletive-laden, and scared the dog from the room. The Patriots pulled off a 25-24 win, beating Buffalo for the 12th straight time...

Terrell Owens, the Bill's newly acquired wide receiver (who was only thrown to 3 times) stormed out of the locker room after the game. Not that he's exactly known for his sportsmanship, team spirit, or friendly demeanor, I would have too, a la - "I'm taking my ball and going home! Hrumph!"

Perhaps my father summed it up best when he stated, "Thats why they're the Buffalo Bills. And they're the New England Patriots." Thank God I'm a Steelers fan.

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